timov

If you won the equivalent of $2,000, and had to spend it, what would you spend it on?

Despite what certain emperors have decreed in centuries past, I have kept my eye on various economic interests in the Republic. There's no sense in denying that fact. I am House Mollari's financial manager in fact if not in name. So if I were given the equivalent of 2,000 credits in ducats, I would invest it, wisely, in our world's trade.

I cannot control my husband's political choices or his habit of volunteering me for additional duties or hiring new bodyguards without my approval. Our financial security, however, is something I can control. And how I respond to my husband's choices- this I can control as well.

Indeed, I have come to the conclusion that my potential usefulness here on Babylon 5 has not revealed itself, regardless of Vir's good intentions in extending the invitation. I have booked passage on a liner headed for Centauri Prime and will be leaving tomorrow evening. In the meantime, I have invited Vir and Londo to my guest quarters for one final meal.
  • Current Mood
    practical
timov

Do you believe in an afterlife?

I try never to contemplate matters of metaphysics for long. My concern has always been for this realm and how I may live my life, however brief it shall surely be, in a way that is honorable and decent. Whether I go on after my death in some other form or dissipate into dust matters little if I have left the universe a better place at my passing- with nothing unfinished.

Regarding notions of reward or judgment after death, it has been my experience that both things come in due time before we all breathe our last. Because there is no greater judge of sin and virtue than the very judge who sits within one's own breast. It is biological, our conscience, like the course of our body fluids and the rhythm of our heartsbeat. I have known only a few beings who appeared to lack it entirely. The rest- the rest heed it with varying degrees of faithfulness, depending on the strength of their pride, ambition and foolishness. But all who have deviated have felt its tyranny. Oh, yes- I dare say there are some here who know this quite well.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm
timov

Three days later

It seems I will always be consigned to waiting each instance I set foot on this station. Still, I must compliment our young, anxious Vir on his efforts- the guest quarters he arranged are more than adequate and the meal he prepared for my arrival was quite impressive.

He has left now to retrieve Londo from an afternoon meeting, giving me a little time to contemplate our conversation. I remain uncertain as to the purpose of my presence here, but the child is firmly convinced that my husband needs me. We shall see. Londo has hardly been receptive to my advice in the past, a fact I took care to point out to Vir.

"But you came anyway," Vir said quietly, watching me with a steady, searching gaze.

I found myself hesitating for a brief moment, suddenly uncomfortable. "Yes."

"Londo doesn't always listen to me either, Lady Timov. But that doesn't mean he doesn't still want us here trying to help him. And I think... I think maybe on some level, you understand that too." Vir looked down at his plate. "He's been hurt... badly. I-I-I've only recently started to discover just how much. He needs as many people as possible on his side."

I touched his hand lightly. "I can make no guarantees, Vir. But I will try to provide whatever counsel I can." Then I added, "At the very least, arguing with me might serve as a sufficient distraction." That brought a shy smile to Vir's face and he looked me in the eye once more. "There," I said. "That's better. You are carrying far too much worry around with you, Vir. It does not suit someone so young."

Then I attempted to shift the conversation to more pleasant topics. I relayed some messages from Traja and Elpida, who have been asking after Vir ever since our brief sojourn to Minbar. And I informed Vir that the children's nurse had taken a bit of a shining to him as well, something which caused Vir to blush in a most endearing manner. It was clear to me that Vir was sorely in need of some distraction as well, and I was quite willing to provide it. The boy has the most mysterious power of bringing that out in me.

Timov is interrupted by her door signal.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
timov

Private message to londo_mollari:

For a time, I had contemplated the possibility of catching you completely unawares just for the amusement of seeing your face, but...

I am writing to inform you that I shall be arriving on Babylon 5 in three days time. Do not worry- your young friend has promised to see to all of the arrangements. He is deeply concerned for your well being after recent events and is of the mind that I may be of help to you. Youthful idealism is quite charming at times. But perhaps Vir is right. Perhaps you will benefit from the presence of a sober and practical head.

Timov
  • Current Mood
    worried worried
timov

What would your dream occupation be?

Nothing impossibly romantic. When I was a young lady, I merely wished to inherit my grandfather's business. My grandfather became wealthy through trade with the Humans- wealthy enough, in fact, that he was able to purchase a seat on the Centaurum and a noble title. I knew quite early on that I had inherited his business sense, and if I had had any choice in the matter, I would've seized those reins and sought my own livelihood.

I have always wished to have a word with Emperor Cesaro, who decreed centuries ago that a lady would not be permitted to inherit her family's fortune. What sense is there in such a rule, which bottles up the talent of half of our race?
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated
timov

Normalcy

When the world around us is in a state of panic, I have always found it best to carry on with the daily minutiae- the routines and ordinary chores by which we mark the majority of our time. And so this morning- our first on Centauri Prime since our abrupt departure from Minbar a few days ago- I rose before the sunrise- as I have every morning for the past few years- and sorted through our finances. Perhaps this might strike you as a cold and callous choice, but I shall not wilt in the face of worry. At the very least, the affectation of normalcy will serve to reassure the children.

And perhaps myself.

Despite my determination, however, this day did not unfold in the typical manner. Andra was in the midst of a recitation under the guidance of his tutor when I was summoned to our door by Dunseny, who wore the expression of one who had heard something most unexpected.

Our visitor was a member of the palace guard.

“Lady Timov,” the guard began, bowing his head slightly in respect, “I have been ordered to escort you to the palace for a private audience with the Regent.”

“The Regent?” I said in disbelief. “The Regent has denied private audiences to all but his most trusted advisors. To what do I owe this honor?”

Naturally, the guard, who was a little more than a boy, was hardly forthcoming. But only one with a death wish would dare refuse an order from the palace, and so I left the children in the care of the staff, assuring all present that I would return.

In all my life, I have never had a more disturbing meeting.

I have met Virini at a few court functions before today and he has always struck me as a pleasant natured, perfectly harmless fop. But his current position, it would seem, has sent him into an inexplicable distemper. In fact, I fear he is on the very edge of madness.

When the Regent at last emerged from his private study after a lengthy wait, his face was drained of all color, his hands quivered, and his eyes popped in muted terror of things unseen.

“Excellency? Are you quite well?” I asked after I had paid my respects in the customary manner. “Should I summon the royal physician?”

“No!” the Regent cried, his face seized with panic. “No, you mustn’t. I will be all right, my lady… after a time.” Curiously, his hand floated up towards his shoulder, lingered there in midair for a moment, then fell once more to his side. “Not much longer.” He laughed, a giddy, unbalanced sound that echoed through the empty throne room.

“Excellency?”

“I had always feared the vision of my death,” the Regent continued as if he had not heard me. “The smell of fire and death… the shadow beside me… but I have met the shadow now… and I no longer fear the end.” Then, as if some force inside him had pressed a switch, his eyes darkened and his face fell. “I had hoped for a brief while, my lady, that the Great Maker in his mercy had given Londo his freedom. But that is not to be.”

Confused beyond measure and frightened for Virini’s sanity, I said, “If Londo does not have his freedom, it is only because he has chosen not to take it. Excellency, why have you sent for me? To disturb me with riddles for which the answers lay buried?”

The Regent’s face hardened. “Prime Minister Mollari must be found,” he replied. “And there shall be no disruptions… no sabotage of the investigation. Oh no… they do not take kindly to interference.”

“They? Who are they?”

As soon as the question dropped from my lips, the Regent swayed, his face contorting in pain. When he spoke again, he nearly squeaked with the strain. “The station Deep Space Nine… Londo’s abductors were there two days ago… you must tell the authorities on Babylon 5. He must be found…”

“How do you know this, Excellency? And who-“

Apoplexy. “Go! Go now!” the Regent roared, his eyes wild with rage and, even more, fear. “No more questions, my lady- you would not survive the answers.”

Not being a foolish woman, I made my swift exit then, my hearts racing in my breast.

Great Maker help us all.

Young Vir looked very poorly when I contacted him. I did not share with him my terror for the Regent, for I believed he had too much to handle already.

“Have you been eating?” I asked him after I had told him what I knew.

“I-I-I had a little…” Vir sighed and looked down at his hands. “No, Lady Timov. Not really. I-I just haven’t been hungry.”

It was then that I started contemplating the possibility of booking a transport to Babylon 5.

“Vir, you have been ill. You must look after yourself.”

Vir’s eyes fluttered closed. “I know… I just…” He could say nothing more than that, and for a long moment he seemed on the verge of weeping in frustration. But then he took a deep, shuddering breath, clenched his jaw and straightened his shoulders.

“Let station security handle the investigation for a time, Vir,” I said. “They are professionals- this is what they are there for, is it not?” The boy did not reply. “Go. Take in a meal and sleep. I shall not keep you any longer.”

When I had closed the connection, I turned to find Traja standing in the doorway. “Have you finished your mathematics?” I asked.

“No, m’lady. What’s happened to the Prime Minister? Will they ever find him?”

Leaning down, I placed my hand on his small shoulder and gently propelled him into the corridor. “Yes. Yes, they will find him. But you should not have to worry about such things, Traja. You should be focused on your lessons.”

I shall carry on and run my household as I always have.
  • Current Mood
    determined
timov

The vacation is aborted.

Note: For the context of this entry, please see londo_mollari's latest.

I shall never forgive Londo if he does not return alive. The gods know he's made more than his fair share of enemies, and the eternally uncharitable voice in my mind is at this moment inclined to blame my husband's own moral weakness and folly for our current circumstance. Damn him.

I have just returned from seeing young Vir off. He is accompanying Citizen G'Kar aboard White Star 8. The poor child was stirred into such a fright by G'Kar's communication that I feared he would give himself an attack of apoplexy.

"G'Kar, don't leave without me!" Vir cried in a panic just as G'Kar was about to close his connection. "I'm coming with you!"

What followed was a frenzied hurry to gather Vir's things and a great deal of inexplicable self-recrimination.

"I should never have left him alone," Vir said as he closed his luggage. "I-I should never have agreed to leave. This is all my fault. I-I-I could've-"

I firmly seized Vir's face in my hands to stop the barrage. "What? What could you have done, Vir? You must calm yourself at once, or you will be of little use to anyone."

A small sob escaped and I felt tears drop onto my fingers. Then Vir took a deep, ragged breath and struggled to collect himself. "You're right... you're right... I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

"Hush now," I said. "We are all frightened, but we must keep our wits about us."

Vir nodded silently in response and stiffened his jaw. And when he at last arrived on the landing pad and united with G'Kar, he walked with his shoulders straight, trying desperately to stay together. You could still see it in his eyes, however- the overwhelming fear for Londo's well being.

It is a fear I find, despite- or perhaps because of- my history with Londo Mollari, that I share.

May the gods help us all.
  • Current Mood
    scared scared
timov

Timov’s Travel Diaries, I: Vir

Private; invisible to all muses

As foolish as my husband is, I must admit he is capable of an occasional good idea. In one day only, young Vir has proven himself an endearing companion.

I’m afraid he’s still somewhat in terror of me, however, which is a source of some regret- and not a little annoyance with my husband, who no doubt filled the boy’s head with all manner of exaggerated tales about my temper. When Vir met us in Customs in Yedor, he was tugging and pulling at his fingers in a most fretful manner and was in such a hurry to apologize for the unpleasantness of our journey that his words fell from his mouth only partially formed.

“A mechanical malfunction is hardly your fault, Vir,” I said in reply, wincing slightly as I shifted Elpida, who was at that moment in a deep slumber, to relieve some of the weight on my hip. Vir relaxed only a little. “Now, I am uncertain of the way, so you will have to lead.”

“Yes, of course… but, um… would you like me to help with…” Vir waved his hand at Elpida, “I mean, I could carry her for awhile. I-I’m sure you’re tired from the flight.”

“Are you quite sure, Vir? You have been ill.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble,” Vir said, and not for the last time. He grunted softly when I transferred the child to his arms- and he was a little flushed by the time we took our seats in the flyer that would take us to our residence outside of the city. But not once did he complain- not even when boisterous Traja added to his burden by seizing hold of his trouser leg and barraging him with questions about his life on Babylon 5.

“Did you really meet a real technomage?” This was Traja’s question as he bounced into the seat beside Vir.

“Well, yes, sort of,” Vir said, his patience remarkably in tact. “But I don’t think he really liked me very much. Oh, hello there.” As the flyer lifted from the ground, Elpida had stirred and opened her eyes. When she saw the view outside the window, she tensed in Vir’s lap.

“High,” she whispered, her eyes wide.

“It’s nice to meet…” Vir began, but he stopped and furrowed his brow when Elpida shook her head. “Oh, you mean…” Vir shot a glance at the landscape below. “Yes, I guess it is. But you know what I do in situations like this?” Elpida shook her head again. “I just take a deep breath and try not to think about it.” Vir then closed his eyes, took a great breath, puffed out his cheeks, and in a single instant won the trust, laughter and admiration of the two smallest children. For the remainder of the day, the three were virtually inseparable.

“If I didn’t know better,” I said to Vir that evening before supper when I had at last captured a moment alone with him, “I would say that you have cared for children before.”

Vir looked up from the vegetables he was preparing, his face coloring. “I have some younger cousins, but… no, not really. I… I’ve always wanted a family, though.”

There was such a softness in his eyes that I felt moved to touch him. Resting my hand lightly on his back, I said, “Perhaps it will happen in time. You are still young.”

Hope and sadness and something else I can’t quite name combined in a single smile. “In a strange way,” Vir said slowly, tilting his head in thought, “I think part of that dream has happened already. It’s not what I expected- but maybe it’s not supposed to be.”

Whenever Londo has spoken of Vir, he has always done so with great fondness. Tonight, I believe I am truly beginning to understand why. That he survives with all his fragile hope- with all his dreams and wonder and wisdom- is a miracle. And I do not say this lightly, for I have always been skeptical of miracles.
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    touched touched